I’ve been going through a really hard time lately. And by “lately”, I pretty much mean for about a year. I guess it all started when I finished my B.A and decided that it would be a waste of time to find a job that has nothing to do with what I wanted to do when I grew up (and no, I don’t know what that is, I mainly know what it’s not), so I figured the only way for me to move forward is to go straight into my Masters degree.

That was a wrong decision. For so many reasons I can’t even… I can’t even. I thought I could handle taking 3 buses (each way) to my new University, but it turns out when you spend your day on the road for 5 hours, it doesn’t give you much energy to do.. Well, what you came to do in the first place. I pretty much hated my classes. I hated the fact that I learned more and more that the problem in this country is that they don’t give you any work experience when you go to school here. There are barely any internships (excecpt for the obvious subjects such as Medicine and Law), and the Universities have one target in mind - that you do research. Well, I hate to break it to you, not everyone is made for a career in academic research. Some just want to get a proper education so that they can go out to the world and have the knowledge it takes to do what they’ve dreamed of doing.

So after you put in years of studying, exams, papers, money, effort - You go out to the world and all they care about is one thing: Work experience.

I decided to take a break from school, get a job, save some money, figure out who I am and what I’m good at so I can decide if the degree I started is really the right thing for me. During the last 4 years I’ve been in school, I’ve worked part time jobs, mostly as a secretary, and mostly for short periods of time. Odd jobs. That’s all I could afford to do, because I wanted to be a student.

I’ve been going to job interviews nonstop for about a month now. I’m trying to get a full time job as a secretary, because that’s the only thing I’m “qualified” to do, despite having a B.A in Political Science and French.

I’m not an open person. I’m a shy person, and it takes me a long time to show who I really am. I’m better at expressing myself in writing than verbally, and insecuity is definitely not a stranger to me. Yet I know I have so much to give, that I would be a great employee and that I have all the skills necessary to be a secretary (and much more, but it’s a start). I know all that, and still I get turned down one time after the other. It breaks my heart every time, but I have to pick up the pieces and go to the next job interview and do it all over again.

I thought getting the job would be the easy part. I thought that I would have to gather my strength and energy and focus on the fact that this would not be my dream job, or my career, but that right now, I just need money. Money gives you the possibilty of doing stuff you love, which enables you to know if you’re also good at it. I thought maybe through doing stuff I love, I could get to know myself better. God knows as a student you have neither money nor time to focus on things you’re passionate about.

Yesterday I felt like I can’t pick up the pieces anymore. I’ve been turned down yet again, plus I’ve been dealing with switching phone companies and cable companies, and each in turn gave me false information and charged me a fortune I don’t have just so they could make a deal at my expense. Talk about milking a thin cow (I think I just made that sentence up, but go with me here). All that tension and the density and the frauds and the lies, really took a toll from me. And then I got turned down, from a job I already saw myself working in (I made it to the final stage of the interviews). My cheekbones hurt from all the crying.

So today I woke up and started picking up the pieces one by one. I went to two interviews, gave it my best shot, managed to cancel the switch to the phone company who lied to me and tricked me, had to say goodbye to my sweet iphone4, who I’ll always remember as my dear friend, but who I know I’ll be seeing a different version of in the future. When I’m on my feet. I have to believe that it’s gonna be ok. Otherwise, I’ll fall apart.

In the mean time, I try to remember a few things: It’s just money, it’s just a job, it’s just stuff. I’m not sick (I hope), I have people who love me, and I have a roof over my head. The rest will work itself out. It has to.

My Grandmother died last Wednesday.

She has been in and out of hospitals for the past couple of years, more frequently in the last few months. Finally, about 2 months ago, she got a serious blood infection and hasn’t been responsive since. She got discharged from the hospital and moved in a facility, but after about 10 days she died.

She has wanted to die for a long time. She was tired physically and mentally. She couldn’t walk anymore, had trouble breathing and towards the end couldn’t even eat or take a shower by herself.

It’s truly one of life’s great mysteries how some people die in their sleep just like that and some people agonize in pain slowly until the end.

My Grandmother was a tough nut. She was born in Yemen, sometime in the last century, but no one knows when exactly because they didn’t keep records of births. You just got pregnant, had a baby and hopefully it lived.

She was married at 12 and had her first child at 14. Two of her children died from diseases that could have probably been cured with Antibiotics or even cough syrup. After the second baby died, they gave his name to the next child that was born, my dad.

My Grandmother had to work all her life to support her 7 children, sometimes at two jobs. She would walk miles and miles to clean houses, just so she could put food on the table and buy her kids books for school. My grandfather was a Rabbi and one day decided to go to the US alone to try and raise money for synagogues, that for some reason were more important to him than his wife and 7 kids. So my uncle had to drop out of school and get a job to help support his young siblings.

My Grandmother didn’t know how to read. She never went to movies. She didn’t have hobbies, didn’t take vacations, didn’t go to museums, didn’t have a career, didn’t go to concerts. She lived her life for others, for her kids and family.

She was scrappy. She was bold. She was opinionated. She criticized a lot of people, but her love was unconditionally given if she felt like you deserved it. She was a great cook. She used to make me and my sister vegeterian “meat balls”, but never stopped asking when we would eat meat again.

We used to visit her every Friday afternoon. We would come and the food would already be ready. She would make the yummiest chocolate cakes. If you asked her how she made it she would say “a little margarine, a little flower, a pinch of salt, some sugar…” Never the exact amount. No matter how much you tried to make it just like hers, you could never pull it off.

I said goodbye to my childhood last week. I said goodbye to a person who loved me unconditionally, endlessly. Those people are hard to find. I said goodbye to a person who’s life I would never want to live, but I truly adore.

I said goodbye to my Grandmother, only I still haven’t said goodbye yet.

Rest In Peace, Safta. I love you.

soupsoup:

theworstcaseontario:

Publicis E-dologic figured out a way to embed user data in IDF bracelets, and thus allow people to “Like” real world objects, places and events spreading the word about it on their facebook accounts.

 I haven’t been on Tumblr in a few days, and so I just skimmed through the posts to catch up quickly and stop at the pics of cute dogs (I follow “aplacetolovedogs”) as I always do. This reblog of “soupsoup” caught my eye because it has Hebrew in it, so I stopped and read it.

I want to make one thing clear - these are NOT IDF bracelets! Unless IDF stands for something other than “Israeli Defense Forces”. This pic was taken at a Coca-Cola summer music festival, which is for teenage kids and is held every year at summer vacation. It has nothing to do with the army. The hebrew writing above says “Pass the bracelet through here” and the lower writing says “”Like” the pool so that everybody knows what you like in Coca-Cola village”.

People write the craziest things sometimes…

mandielyse:

adimagory:

mandielyse:

jhnmyr:

Blackjack on the plane. Breath Savers as $10 chips.

Reminds me of the time when I was in Israel and we played poker with the pieces from candy necklaces. Each color was a different value! I’m happy to say I beat 7 or 8 guys!

 You were in Israel? Did you like it here? :)

I absolutely loved it! I went twice in 6 months.  I wrote a post about it if you look back on my tumblr.

 Your post about Israel was fantastic!!! We really do forget about the beautiful places we have here, until tourists like you come and remind us :)

One thing I disagree on, though - I think Yad Vashem is a lot better than the museum in D.C. Maybe it was being renovated when you were there? Well either way, to each his own :)

If you ever come back for a visit, let me know. I also have family in NYC (and NJ and SI) so I know how much it sucks to live so far apart, although it does give you a great excuse to have a fun trip ;)

Again - great reading your post. You’d make an excellent embassador :)

mandielyse:

jhnmyr:

Blackjack on the plane. Breath Savers as $10 chips.

Reminds me of the time when I was in Israel and we played poker with the pieces from candy necklaces. Each color was a different value! I’m happy to say I beat 7 or 8 guys!

 You were in Israel? Did you like it here? :)

Hebrew! If anyone wonders, it means: “Blessed the believer who has yet seen”.

kalimadevi:

midnightfortuneteller:

stareyednomad:

(via lilacwine, reblololo)

This one hit a nerve.

carlmayer:

nickholmes:

Wisdom - by the Internet.

That show is on reruns ever since it went off the air in 2004. They run it for a while, take it off the air when they think if we watch another episode that we’ve already seen a million times we’d freak (I’m guessing that’s the case), and then after a while they put it back on. I love that show. It’s my favorite show ever. I’ve had the “Friends” vs. “Seinfeld” discussion in the past and from my perspective, there’s absolutely no comparison. “Seinfeld” rarely made me laugh. “Friends” had me in tears in almost every episode I watched for the first (and second, and third) time.

So yesterday I started watching yet another rerun and I thought to myself how it’s a shame I probably won’t get to laugh until my stomach hurts and tears come out of my eyes from a “Friends” episode. I remembered the last time I caught an episode I hadn’t seen (the one where Phoebe tries to teach Joey how to speak French) and smiled at the memory of how hysterically funny that episode was upon watching it for the first (and second, and third) time.

Then something amazing happened. I was watching the episode where Joey gets a new gig at a movie with Gary Oldman and during the shooting Mr. Oldman keeps spitting on him whie he acts his lines. Now, it’s not that I didn’t remember that that’s what happens in the episode. But for some reason, I found myself in tears from laughing, again. And that’s when I realized the greatness of this show. No matter how many times  you watch it, it can still bring you to tears.

Laughing is the best medicine. No question about it. A show like “Friends” not only creates laughter, but also memories of good times, memories of us sitting in the living room in my parents’ house laughing our asses off. I remember my brother’s laughter, and I smile. That’s priceless.

Here’s for many more laughs to come.

He’s amazing! He looks just like my sister’s dog, Tova, only her color is brown. But same exact expression and face! They would have made an awesome couple, well, if she didn’t live thousands of miles away… :)

aplacetolovedogs:

Submitted by ohtiffuh:

Davey the Stud Muffin.

My life is now complete.

jhnmyr:

My favorite app Fruit Ninja is now available in full screen For the iPad. I knew multiplayer was coming but I thought it would have been over wifi, but what they came up with is better. Both games are played on the same pad, symmetrically laid out facing opposite ends of the screen so it can can be played in the classic 80’s two-player Galaga/Pac-Man arcade style. Too cool.